Jon of All Trades

Workout Song of the Moment #10

Since my fat ass has actually been going to the gym consistently, I’ve had to add several songs to my workout rotation. What will follow is a periodic update of whichever song has given me added juice on the lifting machines or elliptical trainer. Download these yourselves and enjoy.

“Filthy Gorgeous” – Scissor Sisters

I’ll be totally honest. I haven’t really worked out since I hit my weight loss goal. And by “I haven’t really worked out,” I mean I haven’t worked out at all since my weight loss goal. I’d feel bad about that if I started to gain weight in an alarming manner, but I haven’t. I’m proud to report I’ve held strong at 185 lbs. since I hit that number over a month ago.

Sure, weight fluctuates pretty much every day a couple of pounds one way or the other, but even when I really stop giving a shit for a weekend like during Jamie’s San Diego bachelor party (Hello, 189 lbs! Beer, pizza, hungover brunch, FUCKIN’ GIANT FATTY CHICKEN NACHOS, actual real Mexican food, and a shitload more beer – delicious. I regret nothing.), I get back to my routine, and I’m back to 185 within a few days (in the case of the week post-San Diego, it was by Thursday). My lifestyle change has worked.

The reason I even share this with you is because even though I’m still at my goal weight, I feel guilty when I don’t work out. The difference is that in the past I’d feel bad for not working out because I thought the lack of working out was keeping me fat. Turns out that’s not true, which is nice to know. But I still miss it all the same.

I feel better when I go to the gym, both mentally and physically. Working up a good sweat, turning my brain off, and jamming out to some tunes always allows me to hit the reset button. I step outside myself and look inward at all the bullshit I think is too much to bear. It pretty much never is as difficult as it seems when I’m in it, and assuming a new identity for even a half hour is key in realizing that.

That’s why I nominate “Filthy Gorgeous” as the next Workout Song of the Moment. For those of you unfamiliar with the Scissor Sisters, let’s go to their Wikipedia page for a description. Here are the first two sentences of their entry:

Scissor Sisters are an American pop group formed in 2001. ‘Spawned by the scuzzy, gay nightlife scene of New York,’ the band took their name from the lesbian sexual act tribadism.

That’s about as far from my day-to-day life as it gets – only if they were black, or Mongolian or something would it be further – yet I fucking love this song. And I can’t pinpoint exactly why. I know it’s not because I identify with the song’s protagonist who appears to be a gay drug addict prostitute who deals with all manner of irritating tricks, but I think that helps.

I also don’t think it’s because, in typical fashion, the dancy synth beat just gets me out of my chair and I GOTTA MOVE, because that’s basically never true either. Although I think it helps in this song for some reason. Is it the pause just before the chorus, and then that little “ding!”? I think that helps too. Is it because we listened to this song after a long car trip to Durango and I’m a sucker for a song with any positive memory anchored in my brain? That definitely helps.

Mostly I like being a participant in a game I play at the gym that I made up. In it, a host and camera crew show up and seize everyone’s iPod, and hit pause at that exact moment. All the songs currently playing on everyone’s iPod are then played for a contestant who has to match the song to the iPod’s owner. When they hear this gay-as-gay-gets song come on, there’s no way they look at me, the dorky guy in the brown shorts, and cutoff t-shirt advertising a vehicle accessory store that no longer exists, and match me with the Scissor Sisters song. No way in hell. Unless maybe I decide to frost my tips again.

They lose, they don’t go to the bonus round, and everyone watching at home learns a little lesson about the dangers of making snap judgments. This game also makes me desperate to know what everyone else is listening to.

Enjoy!

P.S. If you want to see what these guys are really like, here’s an uncensored version of this video. GOOD GOD NSFW, MAN!

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