Latest News

Lazytown

One of my favorite takedowns of all-time appeared in GQ in early 2012. Every year, they compile a list of “The 25 Least Influential People Alive,” and in this particular year, cable TV gasbag Ed Schultz appeared as #3. Here’s the takedown: “There are so many repugnant political pundits on TV now, we tend to…

Read More

Accuracy

Her: Well, love is the best medicine. Him: That’s laughter. Her: Why do you do it? Him: I don’t know. Dialog between Monica and Chandler during a season 6 episode of Friends called “The One with Ross’s Denial”, yes. Also the origin of many a paraphrased interaction between Kristin and I. I am exceedingly precise…

Read More

Shame

Pop quiz: What is the item you can seek to purchase at an adult novelty (read: sex toy) store and feel the least amount of shame about? Answer: Fertility friendly personal lubricant. Nothing else even comes close. The lingerie is incredibly trashy, the bachelor/bachelorette party supplies are all patently ridiculous (for those of you resisting…

Read More

Workout Song of the Moment #5

Since my fat ass has actually been going to the gym consistently, I’ve had to add several songs to my workout rotation. What will follow is a periodic update of whichever song has given me added juice on the lifting machines or elliptical trainer. Download these yourselves and enjoy. “Whiskey’s Gone” – Zac Brown Band…

Read More

Market

I am not a baseball general manager, which remains on my life’s most egregious miscarriages of justice. I say that based mostly on one drunken rant I unloaded onto my best friend Jason on July 4th, 2005. I knew how to fix the Rockies, dammit, and they wouldn’t be any good until they took my…

Read More

Dejected

“When you have insomnia, you’re never really asleep… and you’re never really awake. With insomnia, nothing’s real. Everything’s far away. Everything’s a copy of a copy of a copy.” – The Narrator, Fight Club. I haven’t slept well since Christmas, maybe before. I honestly can’t remember the last time I slept well consistently. I’m numb….

Read More

Confident

You know what else is cool about me? My ability to drive in the snow. I don’t know what it is, but I get in a very Zen state where the car and I become one. I’m responsive, but not reactive. I’m focused, but relaxed. Most people drive like timid contestants on Wipeout, just waiting…

Read More

Seasonal

This week’s snowstorm has me all screwed up. I should know better than to expect warm weather to stick around permanently as early as April, but I couldn’t help myself. The case of Leinenkugel’s Summer Shandy was RIGHT THERE. It felt warm outside, we were enjoying baseball, and goddammit, it’s citrusy and refreshing. Who can…

Read More

Workout Song of the Moment #4

Workout Song of the Moment #4 Since my fat ass has actually been going to the gym consistently, I’ve had to add several songs to my workout rotation. What will follow is a periodic update of whichever song has given me added juice on the lifting machines or elliptical trainer. Download these yourselves and enjoy….

Read More

Ebert

I am saddened to write this. I am mournful to memorialize this. I am grateful to have the opportunity to express myself at this. And I am forever magnanimous for all that came before this. Rest in peace, Roger Ebert. You will be missed.

Read More