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Pandora

As I spent a portion of my Saturday applying nearly two full rolls of painter’s tape to my bedroom and master bathroom, I turned on my Roku to Pandora. The station I chose was Strung Out Radio. I listened to this station for over two hours. This was both a terrific way to enhance an…

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Tweets

I recently shared the photo above on Twitter with Eric Young, Jr. I tweeted this: “Hey, @EYJr I know I’m extremely late on this, but thought you’d like this cool photo I got of you 3 Young men.” Two hours later, he tweeted this: “@EksAxis I appreciate it. Thankyou” To anyone who exists in 2013…

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Test

“Welp, I’m heading in here to masturbate,” said no one, ever. Yet, you might as well declare that when you get your sperm tested. It’s a wholly unique exercise that I’m happy to demystify for you since the majority of what I read online wasn’t helpful in the least. So, if you ever have to…

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Mindset

When I got on the elevator at work recently, I entered the car where three women and one other man were returning from acquiring coffee. One of the women sounded remarkably like Raj’s girlfriend from “The Big Bang Theory.” They talked about New York for some reason. As we began to ascend, the man chimed…

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Workout Song of the Moment #6

Since my fat ass has actually been going to the gym consistently, I’ve had to add several songs to my workout rotation. What will follow is a periodic update of whichever song has given me added juice on the lifting machines or elliptical trainer. Download these yourselves and enjoy. “Machinehead” – Bush <> Bush was…

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Sleep

Have you ever tried brushing your teeth with your off hand? It’s like having sudden onset of localized palsy. You’re an absolute surgeon with the dominant hand. You’re conducting a dramatic tooth symphony with that hand. You’re thorough, you’re assertive, you’re a genius. With the off hand, you’re worse than a toddler. You don’t know…

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Ikea

I don’t hate Ikea. Of course, I’m Swedish, so I’m not technically allowed to hate Ikea (it’s part of the contract the Swedish overlords make you sign when you turn 18). But if Ikea were my girlfriend, I would probably grab her forearm real hard when she got mouthy with me while walking through Target,…

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Lulu

On behalf of men everywhere, I’d just like to say: Thank you, Lululemon. You have given us yet another spectacular way of enjoying the female form. We are eternally grateful for your wonderful yoga pants, and we wish for the continued success and prosperity of your company. May this trend of hot women wearing form…

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Illness

So I had planned to update twice this week, but moving has overtaken my life. As an added bonus, I’m now also fighting a nasty head cold. I’m a mess. It’s like a horrific version of Willy Wonka’s factory all up in my sinuses. And while you ponder that image, I’ll casually mention that I’m…

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Moving

If you’re reading this on Friday, I’m moving today. If you’re reading this on Saturday, I’m still moving today. And if you’re reading this anytime within three months of this article’s publish date, I’m still putting my house together. You already know this – moving sucks. I have yet to meet a person who feels…

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