Jon of All Trades

Bleep

Bleep

I am a wide-eyed enthusiast for censored profanity. The biggest reason, I suppose, for this enthusiasm is that I believe it achieves the opposite of its intended effect. Rather than obfuscating an unsavory word, a big ol’ bleep circles it, highlights it, and sends your brain scurrying back to the [...]

November 28, 2012 Jon Blog, Rants 0

Muce

Muce

When I used to make fun of old people and the mere concept of drinking fiber, I did not realize I would be heckling myself at age 29. That’s when I started on The ‘Muce (or Metamucil, for those you not hip enough yet – and, ok, no, I’ve never [...]

November 26, 2012 Jon Blog, Inside My Head 4

Memory

Memory

I used to be staunchly anti-Facebook, and this philosophical stance was idiotic. It’s Sunday morning and I’m up to not much. Updating our monthly budget, catching up on a few blogs that are blocked at work and therefore unavailable for me to fuck off with while getting paid, and listening [...]

November 21, 2012 Jon Blog, Inside My Head 0

Sriracha

Sriracha

“I can’t really handle spicy foods. I have a ‘supertaster,’” said the woman next to me at a business dinner as we perused a robustly awesome sushi menu. “Oh, you mean bitchmouth?” I helpfully corrected. [...]

November 19, 2012 Jon Blog, Goofiness, Inside My Head 1

Lechery

Lechery

I find myself ogling men more than women as I get older. This is not a sexual thing, and I’m not dealing with any repressed homosexuality. I just find that as I advance in age, gawking at some 19 year old chick’s perfectly manicured backyard becomes less and less charming. [...]

November 16, 2012 Jon Blog, Inside My Head 1

Access

Access

I travel enough to get upgraded at shitty hotels. That’s almost poetic in its mundanity, is it not? Send me somewhere cool, I’m a peon just like everyone else. Yes, the rate is $289 a night, sir. But I’m a silver member! Doesn’t that mean anything? Yes, that you travel [...]

November 14, 2012 Jon Blog, Travel 4

Candor

Candor

“Here’s a hypothetical scenario: Would you rather give up cheese for the rest of your life – no cheese in any form ever – or oral sex, both giving and receiving?” asked our friend Amy recently over dinner. “Cheese,” Kristin and I both said in tandem with little thought and [...]

November 12, 2012 Jon Blog, Goofiness, Rumpy Pumpy 0

Sexless

Sexless

In a former life, I used to rant and rave about how much I hated AskMen.com. I still hate it considering that site is nothing more than reductive, unnuanced claptrap written by a team of remarkably stupid and sexist chimpanzees. While researching a piece I was writing, I felt somewhat [...]

November 9, 2012 Jon Blog, Rumpy Pumpy 3

Rox

Rox

The Colorado Rockies have announced Walt Weiss as their new manager today, someone I like immensely and wish all the success to. Here is a post about the Rockies’ 2012 season I wrote shortly after the season ended. *** I think the only Colorado Rockies season I enjoyed less than [...]

November 8, 2012 Jon Blog, Sports 1

Pretense

Pretense

I stopped being such an insufferable music shitass in 2010. I fancied myself a music nerd in college, but aggressively hated 90% of all music for no good reason. That’s probably the worst thing about being a punk rock fan. Unless something falls within a very narrow aesthetic definition, you [...]

November 7, 2012 Jon Blog, Booze, Music 2