Jon of All Trades

Jon’s Audio Resume Vol. 6: Retail

Welcome to Jon’s Audio Resume, the Jon of All Trades solo exploration of all the weird ass jobs I’ve had in my life. This series runs in chronological order and here is my sixth job.

Job: Vehicle accessories salesman and installer
Duration: College breaks from summer 2001 – summer 2002
Pay: $8.50/hr. + commission
Did I get along with my boss? In the Denver store moreso than in the Golden store, but generally, yes

And we finally complete the holy triumvirate of types of jobs I believe everyone should be required to have. We’ve covered manual labor, we’ve covered food service, and now here we are in retail. If everyone had to do a certain amount of time in a manual labor job, a food service job, and a retail job, I think society would be much better off. Our empathy would go through the fucking roof.

And that’s even with the qualifier of working in a weirdo specialty shop like this where outdoorsy people would come in every single day and ask me things like, “Do you paddle?” I didn’t know what the hell this meant, so when the Bro Willie Namath explained to me it referenced kayaking, I had to adjust my worldview accordingly.

I don’t mention this in the episode, but my good buddy Conor (who got me this job) was a pure joy to watch in this role. He invented the subtle kiss-off to surly customers “Have a giant day!” He used to respond to overzealous customers who droned on and on about whatever trail they just rode with a flat, “I don’t bike.” And he once asked our manager if we could close early that day to which the manager replied, “Call Mollerus [one of our VPs].” Conor said, “Mollerus is gonna tell me to go fuck myself” without realizing a customer had walked up and was now looking him square in the face. I may never stop laughing at that.

Anyway, this episode is filled with plenty of personal embarrassment (including how I got the nickname “Finger Tight”), stories of dumbass customers (always a treat), and tons more. In short, you’ll love it.

Available on iTunes, Stitcher, and the Jon of All Trades homepage.

(Pictured: Rack Attack, which took over for Sportsrack in that space. I worked in both this location, and the one downtown at the corner of Broadway & Maple, which is where a snowboard shop is now, I think.)

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