Parenthood

Muppet Babies Characters, Ranked

Almost three years ago, I, a parent of young children, took it upon myself to provide you, presumably since you’re reading this, also the parent of young children, the service of ranking all the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse characters. You’re welcome. I’m happy to report that while the reign of tyranny inflicted by Mickey and the…

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Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Characters, Ranked

It’s a cliché at this point to describe your noble parental intentions not to allow your child to watch television and succeed where the millions of parents before you failed, only to succumb to the relentless unhappiness and subsequent shrill shrieking of a teething/sick/overtired child and plop them in front of the idiot box and…

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Profanity

I know it’s wrong to use profanity around children, but fuuuuuuck, sometimes the situation just calls for it, right? As of tomorrow Kristin and I can officially celebrate keeping this baby alive for a whole month. Hooray! As I Monday morning quarterback our effort over the last 31 days, I’m generally pleased with what we’ve…

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Halloween II

What a difference a year makes. Christ, look at where I was last year. Just for fun, here are some of the pertinent pull quotes from that article: “There’s nothing quite like Halloween to bum you out about infertility.” “…my Halloween celebrations the last two years have consisted of me closing myself off in my…

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Class

As we approach the birth of our child, we’re checking off more and more of the preparation to-dos. When you first consider the prospect of bringing life into the world, it seems overwhelming to the point of suffering paralysis thinking about it all. We’re never going to be ready in time! And then like anything…

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Weather

There’s nothing more rote, pedestrian, or undeniably American than talking about the weather. I took an Intercultural Communication class in college, and my instructor noted that Americans talk about the weather more than any set of folks on the planet. She didn’t offer an explanation why. I have one. We talk about the weather because…

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Names

Last night a long discussion unfolded on my wife’s Facebook page. The origin of the discussion was this video that showed, in rapid succession, the impoliteness with which society regards pregnant women vis-à-vis “Hey let’s just ask you whatever bluntly personal shit that pops into my brain” style of questioning people feel entitled to ask….

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Ultrasound

Quite possibly the only benefit of going through months and months of infertility is that if you’re lucky enough to become pregnant, you get to have lots and lots of ultrasounds. Whereas most people only get one, maybe two, we’ve had, like, five already. For awhile there, it was basically every other week we’d get…

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Smoking

(I wrote this while half in the bag Friday night. Outside of a few minor grammatical corrections, this is untouched from that writing.) I’m watching WWF Vengeance 2001 on the WWE Network. It’s the one where Chris Jericho unifies the two world championships into one belt. As a Jericho fan, it’s probably the pinnacle of…

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A-Pregnont

Back before two years of infertility sucked much of the whimsy out of trying to conceive a child, one of the ways Kristin and I toyed with announcing our pregnancy was to show the commercial below and threaten to name our child “Ubaldo.” That obviously didn’t happen (although I still love that commercial), and instead…

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