Blog

Links to all the blog posts that have appeared on Jon of All Trades and Eks Axis.

GWAR

I never owned one of their albums. I never went to one of their shows. I probably couldn’t name you one of their songs outside of the one that appeared in Empire Records. I’m not exactly what you would call a “GWAR fan.” Yet Dave Brockie, aka Oderus Urungus – the lead singer of the…

Read More

Penguinsuit

Two years ago I bought a tuxedo because I have a job where owning a tuxedo will ultimately result in net cost savings on account of having to wear a tuxedo more than once a year. I have more than paid off this investment. Tomorrow I have to put on my tuxedo and make small…

Read More

Fetish

For no reason in particular, here are 17 random, non-sequential, potentially offensive, almost assuredly bizarre, and otherwise interesting thoughts about all manner of sexually related things. Enjoy your Friday, and here’s hoping you find your preferred partner ready and willing to rub up against you in that way you like this weekend. (Outside of maybe…

Read More

Drunky

You know when you’re dreaming, and you realize you’re dreaming, but there’s nothing you can do about it and continue to act like however your dream requires you to act? Ever been so drunk, you realize you’re drunk, but there’s nothing you can do about it and continue to act like however that drunkenness requires…

Read More

Dysmorphia

There was a woman I went to graduate school with, whom I generally found to be so stupid, I frequently wanted to beat her to death with a socket wrench when I talked to her. But the sun shines even on a dog’s ass every once in awhile, so it’s not surprising I found a…

Read More

Debut

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (last post about Fallon for awhile, I promise) has been on the air for two weeks. I’ve watched many of the episodes, and I’m happy he’s kept many of the bits that made him popular on “Late Night.” I remember when Conan took over “The Tonight Show,” and promised…

Read More

Abandoned

A few days ago I pulled into my work garage, and right in front of me was this piece of shit parked in parts of four spaces (Four!) right next to the elevators. I thought, “Real nice, asshole!” as I walked by, which, unintentionally, also makes the case for the importance of commas because that…

Read More

Olympics

I’m not generally one for Schadenfreude much anymore, but it’s hard not to take some enjoyment in watching the absurd spectacle of these Sochi games shine a light on how hopelessly corrupt the IOC is in awarding the world’s premier sporting spectacle to a country so hilariously ill-equipped to handle it despite somehow spending $50…

Read More

Water

I love water. I know, bold statement. But I probably love water more than you as I typically drink somewhere between a gallon and a baby pool of water each day. In fact, typing just those three sentences caused me to get up and pour myself a bigass glass of water just thinking about how…

Read More

Joy

If you haven’t watched Jimmy Fallon say goodbye to Late Night by singing “The Weight” with The Muppets, please do so. I’ve embedded it here for you. Go ahead, I’ll wait: In a review on NPR, Linda Holmes had this to say: “…I had forgotten over the course of five years that I didn’t know…

Read More