Jon of All Trades

Bills

Jon December 5, 2012 Blog, Goofiness, Music 1 Comment on Bills

“A scrub is a guy that thinks he’s fly, but is also known as a ‘busta.’”

Truth.

Released in January 1999, “No Scrubs” by TLC became the group’s third #1 single eighth Top 10. It’s also a song I unabashedly love for reasons I cannot comprehend. I am certainly appreciative of female empowerment and the cool R&B style of T-Boz, Left Eye and Chilli, but for all intents and purposes, this song should not be for me.

“Silly me, why haven’t I found another: A baller, when times get hard? I need someone to help me out; Instead of a scrub like you who don’t know what a man’s about.”

Truth.

Released in July 1999, “Bills, Bills, Bills” by Destiny’s Child was the group’s first chart topping hit, and serves as the unofficial sequel to “No Scrubs” featuring the same producer and songwriter. It too is a song I unabashedly love for reasons I cannot fully comprehend.

At my first grown up job, I was waiting for an elevator in the lobby and sang “No Scrubs” to myself – softly at first, then with growing enthusiasm as the world apparently disappeared from my consciousness altogether – until the bell dinged, and I realized there was some middle aged guy behind me wondering the what the hell I was doing. At the time, it was mortifying. But that guy was probably a busta.

As I drove to work a couple of weeks ago, I was pleased for Beyonce that she found herself “a baller, when times get hard someone to help her out.” I think Jigga has her more than covered in this regard. And good for her. She’s already blessed with ferocious pipes, an incredible body, dancing talent out of her ass, and a face so good looking it’s totally unfair. At least she’s not carting around some trifling, good-for-nothing type of brother too. Britney Spears should have taken notes.

As for TLC. Well, Left Eye is dead, and she had already set all of Andre Rison’s shoes on fire in a bathtub resulting in destroying his mansion. He had apparently inflicted a lot of psychological and physical abuse on her. In other words – total scrub. Poor T-Boz married and divorced Mack 10, then had a three year relationship with Takeo Spikes all while battling sickle cell anemia and a brain tumor. Those scrubs couldn’t handle her. In 2010, Chilli starred on a fucking VH-1 reality show called “What Chilli Wants” which chronicles, according to Wikipedia, “Chilli’s quest to find love with the help of Tionna T. Smalls, an author and relationship coach.” AKA I still don’t want no scrubs, but have no idea how to achieve that goal.

Yeah, poor TLC never escaped their scrubs while Destiny’s Child seems to have found someone who can pay their bills, pay their telephone bills, pay their automo-bills…

I. Don’t. Think. You. Do. Sooooo… You. And. Me. Are. Through.

God that song is catchy. What were we talking about again?

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