Jon of All Trades

All posts by Jon

Batchin’

Batchin’

I have learned that not only am I boring as shit when my wife is out of town, I was likely always this boring. She’s been gone all this week on business, and inevitably whenever I tell people that, I [...]

December 7, 2012 Blog, Film and Television, Goofiness, Inside My Head
Bills

Bills

“A scrub is a guy that thinks he’s fly, but is also known as a ‘busta.’” Truth. Released in January 1999, “No Scrubs” by TLC became the group’s third #1 single eighth Top 10. It’s also a song I unabashedly [...]

December 5, 2012 Blog, Goofiness, Music
D-Bag

D-Bag

If you’re ever around me and I suddenly start to seem like much more of a douche bag than normal, but you can’t put your finger on exactly why, I’m nervous. My gestures give me away when I’m nervous or [...]

December 3, 2012 Blog, Inside My Head
Stickhandling

Stickhandling

I abstractly think those who are good at billiards are automatically the coolest cats in the room. There’s just something so unspeakably hip about being able to saunter up to a game and quietly run the table with surgical precision [...]

November 30, 2012 Blog, Sports
Bleep

Bleep

I am a wide-eyed enthusiast for censored profanity. The biggest reason, I suppose, for this enthusiasm is that I believe it achieves the opposite of its intended effect. Rather than obfuscating an unsavory word, a big ol’ bleep circles it, [...]

November 28, 2012 Blog, Rants
Muce

Muce

When I used to make fun of old people and the mere concept of drinking fiber, I did not realize I would be heckling myself at age 29. That’s when I started on The ‘Muce (or Metamucil, for those you [...]

November 26, 2012 Blog, Inside My Head
Memory

Memory

I used to be staunchly anti-Facebook, and this philosophical stance was idiotic. It’s Sunday morning and I’m up to not much. Updating our monthly budget, catching up on a few blogs that are blocked at work and therefore unavailable for [...]

November 21, 2012 Blog, Inside My Head
Sriracha

Sriracha

“I can’t really handle spicy foods. I have a ‘supertaster,’” said the woman next to me at a business dinner as we perused a robustly awesome sushi menu. “Oh, you mean bitchmouth?” I helpfully corrected. [...]

November 19, 2012 Blog, Goofiness, Inside My Head
Lechery

Lechery

I find myself ogling men more than women as I get older. This is not a sexual thing, and I’m not dealing with any repressed homosexuality. I just find that as I advance in age, gawking at some 19 year [...]

November 16, 2012 Blog, Inside My Head
Access

Access

I travel enough to get upgraded at shitty hotels. That’s almost poetic in its mundanity, is it not? Send me somewhere cool, I’m a peon just like everyone else. Yes, the rate is $289 a night, sir. But I’m a [...]

November 14, 2012 Blog, Travel